motegar:

theconcealedweapon:

Poor Person: I need food stamps so I don’t starve.

Conservative: That’s lazy. Get a job.

Poor Person: Fine. I got a job, but it doesn’t pay enough. The minimum wage needs to be raised.

Conservative: Still lazy. Go to college so you can get a better job.

Poor Person: Fine. But I’ll need financial assistance to afford college.

Conservative: Still lazy.

Poor Person: Fine. I went to college, put myself in debt, and got a degree. But the only jobs I can get without experience are unpaid internships. Businesses should be required to pay their interns.

Conservative: …

Conservative: Still lazy.

Poor Person: How the hell do you expect me to get out of debt?

Conservative: It’s your own fault. You choose to go to college even though you couldn’t afford it.

Poor Person: But you’re the one who keeps telling poor people to go to college. Are you saying that I’m lazy if I don’t go to college, and lazy if I do?

Conservative: Yes.

Poor Person: Then what the hell should I do?

Conservative: Be born rich.

What’s weird is that I know plenty of people who’d call themselves liberals or moderates who talk in the same was these conservatives.

Me: I'm scared
Friend: Why?
Me: (shrugs shoulders) why not

sitcorn:

“yeah, everything’s fine, i just tucked your kid into bed. but can i cover up the clown statue in the corner? it’s freaking me out”

“what? we dont have a kid. take our clown statue and get out of the house right now”

apeeled:

i love it when things stop bothering you. like two months ago i was totally bitter about so many things and now im like “u know what i don’t even care” & that’s a beautiful feeling

swingtheserenade:

you know since “fuck” and other swears have become such a regular part of my vocabulary they’ve begun to lose impact

so instead I’ve come to realize I’m using non swear words like “heck” for some sort of twisted ironic emphasis 

I have come full circle

alcomol:

veni-vidi-linguine:

problematiclarry:

i just wanna say for any of u that arent british the sun literally has zero credibility in the uk. like everybody knows it as a sleazy tabloid thats racist, sexist and full of shit. it has a section dedicated to pictures of topless women and one of it’s columnists is katie hopkins, literally the most hated woman in Britain. like its widely read and popular but it’s reputation is probably the lowest of the low

Okay but when you said the sun I thought you meant the actual literal sun and I was so confused

we don’t have the real sun in the uk as a punishment for our sins

dalyproof:

Sure, kittens are cute and all..but what about the love and wisdom of old dogs?

citycrushed-deactivated20180408:

all the bright places, jennifer niven

spookyfbi:

missingvagina:

i never understood how in movies the parents didnt believe in Santa but he was actually real like who the fuck did the parents think put the presents under the tree like what

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT THIS HAS BUGGED ME FOR AGES.

kiransingh:

the only domestic instinct my parents have managed to pass on to me is the tendency to hoard multiple plastic bags in another plastic bag despite the fact that I will probably never need this many plastic bags in my adult life

ambitiousbard:

spookmallow:

my favorite thing about kermit the frog is that sometimes he makes this face